My latest obsession has been imagining that my home is outfitted with its own pottery studio space. A tab open on my computer has the kiln I would order and a second has the wheel. There is a list next to my desk with a few other items needed: a small table topped with canvas and another with plaster, some glazes, and a shelf or two for holding the creations in their various stages of complete, as well as, some funky tools for trimming and styling the pieces. If I close my eyes long and hard enough, I can see our basement workshop space transformed into a bright and sunny studio all my own.
One of the appeals of our home was that the previous owners built an addition. Not only is the upstairs space our favorite with its fireplace and windows and lofted ceilings, but beneath this bonus room the sellers added a workshop. There, the previous owner held some heavy-duty wood shop equipment. His hobby was wood craftsmanship as evidenced by the elaborate ceiling he installed in the room above. When we toured the house, David and I dreamed about using the space to house our future hobbies as a family. A corner for the boys to set-up a “maker space” for designing and engineering. A corner for David to set-up a tinkering space where he can hone skills from electrical work to engineering projects and all sorts of hobbies to come. And a corner for me….for what? When we bought the home, I had nothing in mind. It hurt my heart a little to think that there would not be a corner for me filled with something I was excited and passionate about.
David always said it would come to me. I just needed some sleep, some space to think, and an opportunity to try new things. It never felt like I had time for any of that, let alone actually digging into a hobby. It is amazing what a year’s difference can reveal. Pottery is definitely a hobby I am enjoying. It is embarrassing to admit that I want this studio space in the workshop, that I want to invest time, money, and effort into making that space into a reality. This pottery thing is still so new to me. I am so naive about it. Shouldn’t I just keep my head low about the whole thing? But, I want to do it all the time and want to be able to slip downstairs into a space I made to do it. Something close so I could work more often on the craft with some cafe-like music. Never someone who likes to be “alone,” I want to be alone in this hobby but also inside the walls of our cozy home. Should I really be harboring these ideas? Open studio sessions and classes have showed me that I have SO SO SO SO much to still learn, but I also have a little dream now and while it might seem silly to be scaling up my hobby to the realm of dreams, I am going to keep on dreaming!
The Gottman Institute is a research based approach to relationships. The Gottmans and their psychology disciples promote practices of mindfulness that seek to promote healthy marriages. By striding the line between the art and science of love, the Gottman Institute seeks to help couples in a time when 50% of marriages fail to love, appreciate, honor, and problem-solve together. I was introduced to this group through a few sessions of marital counseling last year. David and I, as I shared previously, were struggling to navigate our different views on how large of a family we each wanted. Motherhood is amazing and I want to be covered in babies, but for David family-size is a little more practical. When weighing considerations like finances, energy, time, lifestyle, and our ability to create opportunities we both feel are foundational for our children, David felt like two children met those limits. On the other side now of many of those tensions, I still get a few positive reminders of the “work” that is needed to continue to have a healthy and loving relationship through these Gottman minutes I receive via email once a week. Often they are a bit cliche, but every now and again the little activity they suggest around have deeper or more playful conversations, makes me smile. Today’s for example asked do you know your basics:
What’s your partner’s favorite food?
Who does your partner hate having to deal with at work?
Who is their best friend?
What is their biggest life dream?
My understanding of David:
David’s understanding of Me:
Now is this the stuff that saves a marriage on the total verge of collapse? No. But was this fun and did it make us laugh on a raining, work morning totally. Did it make us take a minute to think of the other? Yes. And seeing that the other was so “spot on” felt good. They listen, see, know, and love. And that always feels good.
Does this happen in your house? The weather gets a touch warmer, the sun shines a bit brighter, and the general consensus becomes….It’s Spring! You cannot ever say this too loudly in New England of course, because surely if Mother Nature sees the rejoicing, she will inevitably throw one last April snow storm your way. But, this is not about the slow slide into Spring.
In our house, we have a problem. A serious one. Well not so serious, but hilariously annoying. Henry and Owen have plum forgotten how to deal with short sleeves. After over 150 days of cold temperatures and a commitment to cozy long sleeves, jackets, sweaters, gloves, hats, long john’s, and heavy socks, this weekend I pulled out a short sleeved shirt and their world melted. Really though! It all started like a normal morning. We cuddled in bed as a family and laughed and talked about our day. We ate some breakfast slowly and I drank a cup of coffee. Then we headed upstairs to shift into our attire for the day. They slipped on their pants, one leg at a time and chatted about their interests and ideas. No issue when it came to the socks either. Then it was time for the shirt. This item had drastically changed in their 24 hour cycle. With predictions in the mid-60s, it was time to try a short sleeve. Naively, I thought nothing of this moment. It was just part of the normalcy of my own Spring transition. A time of year, that is exciting and much anticipated.
But, for the boys is was HARD and devastating! What the heck are short-sleeves? Why are my arms suddenly exposed? What do I do in the breeze? They fussed quite a bit as I tried to wrestle them into one. THEN once on, they were not impressed. Bottom lips all the way out, it was clear they were not happy with this new development. Each tried harder than the other to pull the little sleeves down their arms. Unfortunately, this only made the shoulder become exposed as it popped out the neck opening! Then came the arm slapping as though that would generate some sort of warmth or coverage. Finally they pulled their arms inside and down their shirts to stick alongside their torsos. And there we were, my armless boys unwilling to give Spring a try and I a tired and sweaty parent not sure how to get them outside to run and enjoy the shift in weather. They won the battle. Donning long sleeve shirts and demanding jackets and gloves too, we headed out. Slowly they shed the gloves, then the jackets. They did not budge on the shirts though. By Sunday, we got Henry into the short sleeves as long as they were batman. Now we wait the little one out. The temperatures will eventually convince them, no?