I am going to be honest here. There is nothing more embarrassing to me than letting someone down. And, that includes letting myself down. When I do, I just want to run away from it. Unfriend the person, hide in a hole, and hope they never find me! In the real world though, this isn’t the best response. Being an adult is tough and it often means being uncomfortable and being okay with that. It is something I continue to learn.
In July, I started a fitness initiative through BeachBody. I started out as a participant in challenge groups. Working out felt good, and the results were even better. it helped to be in a group setting, and the virtual community kept me excited to participate each day in my 30 minute fitness commitment. Even more surprising, I enjoyed eating more nutritiously and promoting that style of consumption with my family. David jumped on aboard and together we exercised and filled our tummies with nothing but the best stuff. The results were impressive. I felt stronger than ever and was definitely in the best shape of my life which was impressive to me as a new mom. The step to becoming my own coach then felt natural and I LOVED hosting friends and family in challenge groups I ran on my own. Watching them hit their fitness and nutrition goals was nothing short of a compound effect of joy! David and I each ran a 3K and it felt like we hit a totally natural groove with our new habits.
Then….I lost it.
The momentum I was cruising on completely crumbled when the start of a new school year teaching all new courses confronted the first trimester of growing baby two. Pushing play on my exercise videos became tantamount to anguish. I was too overwhelmed at work, too tired from growing a human, and too easily swayed by my own excuses to just go to sleep at 7:30PM. Coupled with morning sickness and horrible sciatica pain, I let myself give-up. There were moments when I felt delightful in my early rest. Slipping on my pjs and sliding under the bed sheets was heavenly, but the guilt of giving in to my fatigue and discomfort left me feeling unsettled and genuinely discouraged.
What I truly wanted to do, was give up completely. I wanted to leave all of the challenge groups and my team group. I wanted to cut off all ties to the coaches I had built relationships with because their ability to say “yes” to their businesses and fitness goals made me feel guilty. And, I just wanted to run away from it and hide, and pretend that episode didn’t happen. Truly, I just felt guilty for not being able to do my best anymore and to not able to be that “perfectionist” self that I had always loved about my personality (even if it sometimes drove David wild). Instead of going dark like my guilty, embarrassed self desired, I decided to go quiet. I would take a hiatus, take hot baths for my sciatica, eat carbs for my morning sickness, and give myself a “by” until the second trimester. That was my cut-off point. Either I would return to coaching whole-heartedly or I would resign myself to having given up on something that had been so great.
Going quiet though had a major benefit. By still seeing the coaches on my team running challenge groups and posting about their daily fitness and nutrition, I started to become hungry for that again as my morning sickness subsided and as the school year’s frantic pace leveled out (a bit). I found myself more and more wanting to reach out, wanting to reconnect, and surprisingly wanting to get back onto the mat even if my back throbbed and hurt every day. It always helped that my coach, Jenna, never gave up on me. She gave me just enough space to process this mega change to my body but always checked in. Her openness helped me realize that coming back to fitness, coming back to coaching, and coming back to the team would help with the fatigue, the anxiety, and the discomforts of pregnancy. In fact, in mere short weeks since deciding to push play again every day on my fitness, I have felt better than ever as a pregnant momma and even better than my first pregnancy with Henry. Holding a 30 second plank while pregnant is awesome! If I felt strong before baby two, I feel stronger with baby two along for the ride. So I am restarting, because life isn’t about perfection, it is about progress. It is about knowing when you can, when you can’t and having the courage to give it another shot. It’s about being stronger than your strongest excuse, even if you have given into those excuses before and are afraid of them again. This is not going to be easy, especially with a growing baby, but I truly believe that the community I am a part of as a coach among coaches has the strength for the moments when I have the doubts. And, I am excited to host my first personal challenge group starting January 1, 2016.
January is always a fresh start. A new year, a new beginning for everyone. I love New Year’s Resolutions and so many of us make the resolution to prioritize health, fitness, and wellness. It feels like the perfect time to jumpstart Foster & Feed Fitness!! I would love for you to join me in committing to 30 minutes of exercise each day for 21 days. I will share meal plans, recipes, motivation, and daily check-ins. Let me know if I can count you in for my first challenge group of 2016 and I promise you can count on me!