Today officially marks the start of my second trimester! It is so hard to believe that it is already “phase II” of my first pregnancy. My various baby apps on my phone all alerted me to the fact that the expected day of delivery is 189 days away. The last time I had a daily countdown was when David and I were planning our wedding. But, this countdown is so different.
My wedding countdown stressed me out. Each day the Knot sent an update and a reminder about something I still had not crossed off my list. Hundreds and Hundreds of “to-dos” stared me down each morning. In the midst of the school year, planning a wedding felt impossible. Of course, it was an incredibly exciting time. The show “Say Yes to the Dress” was looped at home, and I could not wait to walk down the aisle to David. But, there still was this external pressure. I worried a lot about whether or not our guests would have fun and if everything would be “perfect” on the day of. The items most out of my control, like the weather, led to anxious thoughts. What is amazing though is that on the day of the wedding, all the anxieties that were building up over the course of the year melted entirely away. That day it was just me, just David, and those we loved surrounded us on our day.
This time around, the countdown to baby is stress-free (so far). David and I have been taking a very relaxed approach. Perhaps the years of being married to my “cool as a cucumber” husband are finally rubbing off on me?!? Yes, we worried a bit leading up to the ultrasound wondering if everything was progressing properly, but overall we are just reveling in this moment of our lives. So many people advised me to “be in the moment” during my engagement period and I thought I was, but I wasn’t totally. In a darkened room on Tuesday, David and I saw our baby for the first time. The moment was beyond words and comprehension. To see the little baby on the screen flipping around and sucking on its thumb was mesmerizing. I could have sat there all day. It was in that moment, that I realized what “being in the moment” really felt like. I wish I had an ultrasound machine at home so I could check in on the little one from time to time and just watch it grow and change over the next weeks. But, perhaps not seeing the little one is actually best. The mystery of it all, the intimacy of pregnancy, and the changes it will bring to us this summer is all determined by time. No matter how much I worry or not, time will keep moving forward to our expected due date so I might as well sit back and enjoy this incredible ride!